The King Falls Gazette: 2016

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Fire at Ernie's Mufflers; Possible Insurance Scam?

By Phillip Rodriguez

New light is being shed on last week's blaze at King Falls' favorite Muffler Shop, Ernie's Mufflers. Some within the community even have reason to believe this could be an elaborate insurance scam by the absconded owner, Ernie Salcedo, himself.

"You've got a car that, by all definitions, should not run. You've got a local small business that's barely making ends meet, with the owner, from what I've heard, bein' a prime suspect in a murder case and on the lamb. You tell me. Does it look suspicious?" Said Armchair Insurance Investigator Andrew Goetz.

A stolen 1977 Pontiac Trans AM turned into a fireball that Michael Bay would be proud of, when it smashed through the plate glass window of the muffler shop in the early morning hours of the 15th.

"I mean, no workers were there. Nobody was in the car. It's the perfect storm. The reason is there. Nobody was gonna get hurt. This looks less like an 'accident' than my third kid, Teresa!" exclaimed Goetz.

Reagan Spears, an F.B.I. agent working a completely separate case, reached out to The Gazette to see if she could be of service.

"While I'm pleased no one was hurt in the muffler shop blaze, I'm baffled by the fact that the owner, one mister Ernie Salcedo, hasn't been heard from since the attack. I mean, mishap. Don't write attack." Spears noted in a soothing monotone.

All this speculation comes after Jacob Williams was cleared of the possible arson by the King Falls Sheriff's Office. We reached out to Mr. Williams however he could not be located for comment.

In any case, dear readers, please stay away from Ernie's Mufflers as it is an on-going crime scene until further notice. And on a completely unrelated note, if you should happen to run into Mr. Ernie Salcedo, please reach out to Ms. Spears at the Twin Pines Inn.

King Falls AM was nominated for BEST COMEDY in the 2016 Podcast Awards, is a TOP 75 COMEDY show on iTunes and has just surpassed 800k downloads!

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Friday, July 8, 2016

Be Afraid of The Dark ... or Not.

By Linda Miles

After the big July 4th fireworks had disappeared, as well as the headaches from the respective Mayoral Candidate shindigs, I was sitting at home, trying to relax and work through a food-induced coma when I got a text from my coworker, Phillip Rodriguez. He said that there were a series of strange thwarted robberies, scattered throughout downtown over the long holiday weekend.

You can read about those in the Police Blotter, here in the Gazette. But that's not what has me so intrigued.

We're a small town. Things like this are absolutely not the norm. Whether it be our amazing local law enforcement or just a lot of good-natured folks living in and around town, this just isn't an every day occurrence.

So for multiple robberies to happen, not to mention go awry, it's definitely suspect.

I dug deeper. I found out from a local source (name withheld) who had been accosted, and then reached out to the almost-victims.

The two people, one female and one male, decided to stay in the shadows and of course were shaken up, however both had a very similar experience and just days apart.

The gentleman woke up to noises downstairs. Peering outside from an upstairs window, he saw a man, picking his backdoor's lock and opening the door to enter the premise. He grabbed his cellphone and locked his bedroom door and made a frantic call to the King Falls Sheriff's Department.

While on the phone, another man dressed in all black, wearing a mask, hopped his fence and bounded into his home through the open back door.

"I heard what sounded like a scuffle. Glass breaking, which was my living room coffee table. Then silence. I was terrified. That's when I heard it." my John Doe told me, shaking and reliving the frightening moment.

"I heard a voice say, like, really raspy. ' Be Afraid ... Be Afraid of The Dark' and then running footsteps." When Deputy Troy Krieghauser arrived at the scene, he was impressed that John Doe not only stopped the robbery but tied up the robber himself. Of course, that wasn't done by John Doe at all, but The Dark.

My Jane Doe was walking her dog, Fi Doe let's call him, out around the Main Street Park around dusk on Sunday. She felt a tug at her shoulder and watched a man running away from her, her purse dangling from his hands.

"I was on my phone not paying attention and then I felt this jerking motion down my arm. Then I noticed the creep sprinting away from me. Literally, before I could call out. Before I could open my mouth to yell at this guy. A man, dressed in all black. Mask and everything, came out of the bushes and just trucked this guy. Knocked him out of his shoes!" Jane told me excitedly.

She ran to catch up and get a better look, but by the time Jane arrived to the fracas, all was over but the crying.

"The jerk was in tears. The masked man laid a karate-type beating on him and ziptied his hands to a park bench. He threw my purse to me, smiled and gruffly said 'Be afraid of the dark.' I called the cops and they took the purse-snatching ass away but kinda laughed about my masked hero. But I'm not laughing. I'm thankful."

A masked vigilante roaming the streets and alley's of King Falls? Apparently local radio station, King Falls AM, received a call similar to this a few months back as well. Another thwarted robbery. Another "Be afraid of The Dark."

There's more to this story. I'm going to keep digging until my spidey senses subside. Have you or someone you know encountered the masked man calling himself The Dark? If so, we should talk. Until then stay safe and aware of your surroundings.

But be afraid of the dark? Not in this reporter's book.

@KingFallsAM
@KingFallsSammy
@KingFallsTroy
iTunes

King Falls AM was nominated for BEST COMEDY in the 2016 Podcast Awards, is a TOP 100 COMEDY on iTunes and has just surpassed the HALF A MILLION DOWNLOAD mark!

Please REVIEW, RATE, SUBSCRIBE & SHARE your favorite lonely mountain AM Talk Radio show with any people or apparitions that might enjoy it!

Monday, May 23, 2016

A Public Plea

by Sammy Stevens

It's been, by far, the roughest stretch of time I've personally had in King Falls, this past month or so. With the on-air disappearance of our dear friend Emily Potter on, of all nights, our Anniversary, things have went from bad to worse.

I'm not the type to air laundry out to dry in public, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little worried. My co-host, and more importantly, my best friend, Ben Arnold, has not been heard from since leaving the radio station the morning of May 15th.

No calls.

No texts.

Not answering his door.

While I, and I'm sure the listeners, appreciate Mr. Chet Sebastian's willingness to step up to bat and pull some doubles while Ben is away, it's just not the same. Especially with these dark circumstances swirling overhead.

I'm making a plea here, as I've done nightly on-air, that if anyone should run into Ben, or even just see him around town, please ask him to give the station a call.

As you know, the kid is in a bad way, understandably so, but I just want to know that he's safe and not doing anything crazy.

I appreciate all the calls, tweets, and messages you've sent to us at King Falls AM, the positive vibes and prayers can't hurt either. Ben, if you can read this, or read my numerous text messages, just let us know you're alright buddy.

Take care of yourself.

Your friend,
Sammy

@KingFallsAM
@KingFallsSammy
@KingFallsTroy
iTunes

King Falls AM is trending on audioBoom and is an iTunes Top Comedy Podcast!
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Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Crime Scene Cover Up?

by Phillip Rodriguez

A lot has been said about May 1st's disappearance of King Falls librarian Emily Potter, and while I usually have a pinch of snark to go along with my journalism at the Gazette, I just want it to be known that all of us here at the paper are hoping, praying and sending positive vibes out for Ms. Potter's safe return.

We receive a lot of tips here at the paper. More than you'd imagine for a small-town print palace such as ourselves, but we do. Most are just apparition sightings, pranks or people bitching about the roundabout on Tippet Avenue. But this reporter came into something a bit different this morning.

I received an anonymous tip overnight about a disturbance over the weekend at the Emily Potter Crime Scene off of Route 72 heading into town. Apparently multiple people drove past the area saying that a disturbed man, fitting the description of a certain King Falls radio personality was seen, past the crime tape, in the middle of quarantined area, yelling up at the sky.

Another tip that came in a little later said that they witnessed a King Falls Sheriff Patrol Car at the scene as well, however after checking the incident reports and scanner reports, I couldn't find a word about this incident anywhere.

Of course these tips named who they seemingly saw as they motored past, and being the journalist that I am, I'd be remiss to reach out to the aforementioned personality.

However, I didn't do that. I did not reach out.

The poor man has gone through enough. If you're a listener of that particular show, his behavior has been much different the past week, so much so that it's even hard to tell it's him. He's a shell of his former self. He's hurting and it's not my place to add to that.

It's my job to report on the news and to add a little sass to it's ass, as I see fit. But there are lines. Lines of decency. And when you see a fellow human, not just someone in the media but a fellow human friggin' being, hurting, you don't add to it.

I wish more media outlets thought like that.

So as for the disturbance out on 72 over the weekend, I can't confirm that it happened. I can't deny that it happened. What I can say is that there is a still-active crime scene on Route 72, where Ms. Emily Potter's car was found, and that I implore you to stay away from it as the good men and women of the King Falls Sheriff's Department still have investigating to do.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Happy Sammiversary, King Falls!

by Ben Arnold

Ladies and gents, boy do I have some big, big news for the listeners of King Falls AM!

Which if you aren't listening, (but let's be real, YOU ARE) then you'll know that I'm the co-host of The Sammy & Ben Show weeknights from 2am -6am!

Co-Host. Can you believe that? I know a lot of you folks that read the Gazette have been around me all my life; we grew up together, went to school together, or maybe we met as I was working my way up from intern to producer for Chet Sebastian here at the station. The point is, we know each other, and unless you're a certain frog-based restaurateur or a Lord Vampire's lead gardener, that means we are probably friends.

So think about that: Little Ben Arnold going from shy bookworm kid to producer of the top rated Jazz program in the Tri State area and now to on-air host of a call in talk show!

And honestly, I owe so much of that to my co-host, Sammy Stevens.

This guy arrived out of the blue after conversations with Merv that none of us knew anything about. Diamond Dave was leaving the station after a lifetime of being here and nobody knew what was gonna happen in our coveted late-night spot.

Then Sammy Stevens happened and it changed myself, the station, and I'd go so far as to say the entire town for the better.

Sure, there's been issues: like the fact that the guy is a bit ... stuffy when it comes to the paranormal (or normal for King Falls) things that go on, but he's getting better. Sammy's run-in's with the town government is a thing, but you know what, maybe Sammy is shedding a little light on some hijinks that went on behind our backs for quite some time that we should care about.

With all change, there are growing pains, and this was a big change for Sammy. And for me. But I'm so happy he came along when he did. I look back at the almost year we've spent together, doing nights on 660AM and I couldn't imagine a world where we DON'T do what we do. And I'm so thankful for that.

Even though Sammy is getting a bit moody about me making a big deal about the Anniversary (Sammiversary, let's make it happen guys) on May 1st's broadcast, I know he feels the same too, he's just too modest to let me do this properly, but believe me, I'm doing it properly anyway and the May 1st show WILL BE HUGE!

So if you should happen to see Sammy out and about town this week, or if you have some free time to call in, be sure to tell that guy how you feel about him being here too. As always hit us up on Twitter or your social media of choice, give us a call 424-279-3858, but most importantly, be sure to tune in on May 1st to celebrate with us!

HAPPY SAMMIVERSARY, KING FALLS!

@KingFallsAM
@KingFallsSammy
@KingFallsTroy
iTunes

King Falls AM has been nominated for the 11th Annual People's Podcast Awards! If you'd like to help out, vote for King Falls AM for BEST COMEDY & PEOPLE'S CHOICE at PodcastAwards.com!

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Saturday, April 9, 2016

Who hangs out in a cemetery anyway?

By Phillip Rodriguez

Another night and another break-in down at the old cemetery in King Falls says groundskeeper, and generally creepy dude, Francis Broxton.

"This is the second time this week my boys have came in and the entrance gate has been pushed open and funky pariphinalia has been found." states Old Man Broxton.

I asked him if he meant drugs and he instantly changed his tune, talking about different colored gels and lighting equipment.

"I don't even know what a bong is! Can we talk about the weird lighting gels? Purple and green and I think a red or two, I turned them into the Sheriff's Department but damned if I've heard a word on it yet." grumped our General Groundskeeper.

And have you seen his VW mini-Bus? Sure you don't know what a bong is, Broxton.

Regardless, if you kids and or high school lighting masters are breaking into the old cemetery, both Francis and this paper implore you to stop; not only is it against the law to be in the graveyard after dusk, but it's seriously creepy AF and this reporter doesn't want to do any more stories about it.

Ya dig?

@KingFallsAM
@KingFallsSammy
@KingFallsTroy
iTunes

King Falls AM is trending on audioBoom and is an iTunes New & Noteworthy Podcast
Please REVIEW, RATE, SUBSCRIBE & SHARE your favorite lonely mountain AM Talk Radio show with any people or apparitions that might enjoy it!

Monday, March 28, 2016

Tim Jensen's First Public Interview This Week!

By Duff Dillinger

Newly earthbound news sensation, Tim Jensen will be having his first public interview since his return this week on The Sammy & Ben Show, stated the semi-popular talk radio hosts last night.

Tim Jensen has been the talk of the town since his disappearance live on-air almost a year ago, and the dynamic duo have kept him in the public eye with an outpouring of assistance geared towards his wife and kids.

"I couldn't be happier that Tim Jensen is back in King Falls where he belongs" boasted Mayor Grisham at a re-election event yesterday at Nolan's Drugstore. "Let's all just give him the privacy that I'm sure he wants. Tim will speak when he feels it's time and just so he and Mary know, the Mayor's office always has the door open for them."

While speculation has run rampant the past ten months Tim has been gone, those closest to the Jensen family are keeping tight-lipped about his experiences, whatever they may be.

A call into Ben Arnold at 660AM reiterated that the interview will be taking place, "It's very true, we'll be airing a live interview from the Jensen Residence later this week. We put a call into Mary to let them know we were thrilled Tim had been found and returned and Tim hopped on the phone and scheduled this himself!"

While there are many stories about where Tim Jensen has been the last year, the only person who can truly answer that is staying mum, at least to all outlets except King Falls AM. Stay tuned to 660 on the AM dial to hear, what will surely be, the biggest interview of the year.

Friday, March 11, 2016

The Weekend Report: Rainbow Lights and Brony Nights

by Phillip Rodriguez

Look up into the sky, King Falls. You really don't have to, but let me tell you what you're gonna see tonight: instead of the beautiful stars, twinkling down on our picture-esque mountain town, you're gonna see those damn rainbow lights again.

We are now pushing into the second week of our visiting flying friends (we hope), shining their technicolor evil all over town. With no end in sight, this reporter wonders when will it all end. The sleepless nights, the funky-hued days, the constant weird buzzing if you get too close to them?

The whispers in the town are growing; why are the lights back, are they accountable for the newly found body at Lake Hatchenaw, are they accountable for the old found body at Lake Hatchenaw during the 55th Annual Bass Tournament, and most important, why are they here and who pissed them off?

With Tim Jensen still weighing heavy on our mind and hearts, haven't we given you lights enough? We live in fear. We've given you a friend. You're really screwing with our internal clocks. Please, pack up your lights and hit the road ... or the skies. The town of King Falls is officially over it.

As you can imagine, with all the stress these UFO's are bringing to town, there's literally only one game in town this weekend for a chance at fun: the makeshift Brony Bounce in Craig Zucker's corn field. We all knew Craig had interesting taste as a kid but apparently he's invited 300 of his closest My Little Pony loving friends to party and watch the skies this weekend.

If you don't know what a Brony is, this reporter surely won't be the one to tell you (it's called Google people, use it) but I definitely will report back on what's sure to be a weekend full of friendship and magic.

Stay safe, King Falls.

#InvestInASleepMask

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Activity at Sir Putts-A-Lott?

By Duff Dillinger

King Falls Gazette Reader C. Higgenbaum writes:

"Since all high and mighty Billy Lawrence is too good to answer phone calls, I thought I'd write in to the Gazette to see if you had noticed all the activity around the decrepit and creepy Sir Putts-A-Lott mini golf course the last few weeks. I feel something is up and I'd just love to take my boys there again some day! Thanks a lot."

Hi C.,

You're not the only one that has noticed a bit of a commotion over at ol' Sir Putts-A-Lott. So we thought we'd give Mr. William Lawrence, owner of the King Falls family favorite, a call and see if he had some good news to tell us. Unfortunately, if you know Mr. Lawrence, good news is not his fortee.

"It really ain't nobody's business what I do with that property. I'm getting up there in age and I'm just tired of going over to Sir Putts-A-Lott every time some kids sneak over and fornicate on the 7th hole." grumbled Mr. Lawrence during our phone conversation.

"I'm a professional. I deserve better. The course deserves better than these damn kiddos jumpin' fences and spraypaintin' and lollygaggin. This course was once a Top Ten "Gotta Play It" in Mini Golf Monthly, it should be put up on a pedestal not collecting bodily fluids, so yeah, I'm selling this son of a bitch and I'm retiring up to Big Pine."

While we don't know who has purchased the land, nor if it will stay in it's current state, we do hope that the sweet memories of our favorite childhood Putt Putt place get to live on. Just hopefully not as another Starbucks, c'mon already!

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Fracas at Frickard's Froggery

By Duff Dillinger

Last night, while the King Falls Valentine's Day Dance was in full swing, there was a public disturbance at local restaurant, Granny Frickard's Froggery.

The details are sketchy at best as we weren't able to lockdown any actual eyewitness reports inside the restaurant, however we do know that the Sheriff's Office deployed a deputy around 9:13pm thanks to a tip from local police scanner patron, Roy Higgins.

More as this story develops.

Friday, January 29, 2016

King Falls Public Library Set to reopen West Wing after "Lincoln's Revenge"

By Duff Dillinger

The dust has finally settled, the shelving has been refurbished and the walls have received a fresh coat of paint; it's almost time to reopen the King Falls Public Library's west wing.

Last November, during the filming of the hit television show Mission: Apparition, the King Falls library received a makeover, albeit one it didn't want or was expecting.

"It was sheer pandemonium." Emily Potter, King Falls librarian stated.

"Everything started off fine, but during the interview with Dan & Larry, Ben was hoisted ten feet up into the air and choked until he was turning blue! Honestly if it hadn't been for ... Abraham Lincoln, this story might not have ended as happily as it did."

Speaking with Mayor Grisham over the phone, he wasn't nearly as pleased with the end result as Ms. Potter.

"I wouldn't call spending close to $30,000 a happy ending at all. I think it's sad that King Falls had to use money, previously allocated elsewhere, to pay for what was basically a radio station publicity stunt gone awry. Just another way those chuckleheads at King Falls AM are ruining our happy little town!"

The King Falls Public Library has been on the receiving end of a long line of bad luck the past year, starting with the disappearance of head librarian Lily Kilpatrick in May, to this past November's Lincoln's Revenge, but Ms. Potter sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

"I'm just so happy to be able to open the west wing again. It's an uphill battle but I really think this will actually help the library's numbers and not hurt. So many kid's ask me about the apparitions of President Lincoln and John Wilkes Booth that I think they'll show up just to investigate themselves! And hopefully read a book or two while they're at it!"

Time will tell whether Lincoln's Revenge and it's new makeover will be helpful or a hindrance but you can judge for yourself this coming Tuesday during the west wing's grand re-opening.

"It'll be a low-key affair." Emily Potter told this reporter with a smile. "While we won't have the pomp and circumstance of one of our King Falls celebrations, we will be forgiving all resident's past due fees up to $15 plus we have a media display of the Mission Apparition episode the Library was featured in, so be sure to stop by!"

We'll definitely be there alongside Emily Potter enjoying the relaxed atmosphere. Hopefully we'll get to see you King Falls residents with young readers as well as delinquent and irresponsible library patrons looking for forgiveness too.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Mayor, Radio Host involved in "Scuffle" at Town Celebration

By Duff Dillinger

Friday afternoon's Best Small Town in America celebration didn't turn out to be quite the walk in the park Mayor Steven Grisham thought it would be.

Seemingly every resident in King Falls made it down to Main Street for the parade and the coronation afterwards in the park. Hosted by King Falls AM late night talk radio hosts Sammy Stevens & Ben Arnold, it was an afternoon destined to bring our mountain town together.

Or was it?

From what The King Falls Gazette gathers, there was a miscommunication between Sammy Stevens, who was set to announce Mayor Grisham to the stage for a speech and the Mayor himself. But that's when things become murky, varying stories from the parties involved don't help to clear up what seemed to be an all-out fight.

Onlookers describe the Mayor taking a swing at the radio DJ and a brawl ensuing, which is corroborated by the fact Steven's broadcast partner, Ben Arnold, commentated the scuffle live on-air.

Meanwhile, Mayor Grisham denies there was a fight at all."There was no scuffle. Apparently Sammy Stevens was trying to warn me of ... something, I don't know, and I saw a bee on his face. I simply tried to swat the bee away from him using everything in my arsenal. Have you ever been stung by a bee? It's terrible. It was probably exacerbated by the fact that I tripped on a loose wooden plank on the Main Street Stage and fell into Stevens with extreme force. Which leads me to an announcement; the King Falls Chamber of Commerce and I have decided to build a completely new stage for next year. It's just another thing to add to the list of the exceptional things I do for such an exceptional city."

When asked about the brawl, that Ben Arnold called play-by play on, Mayor Grisham said: "I can't vouch for anything that happens on that radio station, much less Ben Arnold commentating a 'fight'. There was a bee on Stevens. End of story." said the Mayor via phone interview.

Sammy Stevens has not been reached for comment however we received an email from the owner of King Falls AM, Merv, informing us that Sammy Steven has been suspended, with pay, for the next two weeks worth of broadcasts.

Ben Arnold, co-host of the popular late night talk radio show, stated "I don't know about a bee or however the Mayor's office is trying to spin this. I know he punched my friend in the face while my friend was trying to stand up for this town's interest. That's all I've got to say about it. Stay strong, Sammy. We'll talk to you soon."

As of the writing of this article, while the police did break up the apparent "bee swatting incident" no charges have been filed on either side and business goes on as usual down at City Hall.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

The 7th Annual Best Small Town in America is almost upon us!

By Duff Dillinger

The 7th Annual Best Small Town in America is almost upon us!

The Main Street Park came alive today, with scores of workmen and crews putting up the decorations for this Friday's 7th Annual 'Best Small Town in America' coronation.

The excitement in the air is palpable; huge smiles on the faces of all the passersby while friends and neighbors take to the city streets, talking about the biggest block party of the year.

"After the Holiday's, the excitement used to peter out around the Falls, but with King Falls winning this special prize every year from the Chamber of Commerce, it really doesn't seem to fizzle out at all!" exclaimed life-long resident, Frank Perry.

And Frank is right. For the six years that King Falls has been bestowed the distinction, it doesn't seem to slow down. What once was a lull known as January, has picked up since Mayor Steven Grisham has taken power.

Mayor Grisham was quoted saying "Look, it would be real arrogant of me to say that for every year I've been mayor of our wonderful little town, we've been named the best small town in America. It's true, but it would be arrogant. And it certainly isn't all because of me. This town and it's resident's truly are the best America has to offer. But I am pretty proud to say that I helped us on our way."

Local vocal detractor, AM radio host Sammy Stevens, has even stopped trying to take the air out of the pageantry. "I've been in King Falls the better part of a year now and, don't get me wrong, I have my doubts about the veracity of the claim, but King Falls is a very special place. In my own heart and obviously the hearts of the voters ... located right down on Second Street inside the King Falls Chamber of Commerce."

While records are hard to find on past winners of the Best Small Town in America, this reporter has no doubt that King Falls has outshined any other recipient of this award ever, and will continue to bring home the honor for many more years to come.