The King Falls Gazette: March 2016

Monday, March 28, 2016

Tim Jensen's First Public Interview This Week!

By Duff Dillinger

Newly earthbound news sensation, Tim Jensen will be having his first public interview since his return this week on The Sammy & Ben Show, stated the semi-popular talk radio hosts last night.

Tim Jensen has been the talk of the town since his disappearance live on-air almost a year ago, and the dynamic duo have kept him in the public eye with an outpouring of assistance geared towards his wife and kids.

"I couldn't be happier that Tim Jensen is back in King Falls where he belongs" boasted Mayor Grisham at a re-election event yesterday at Nolan's Drugstore. "Let's all just give him the privacy that I'm sure he wants. Tim will speak when he feels it's time and just so he and Mary know, the Mayor's office always has the door open for them."

While speculation has run rampant the past ten months Tim has been gone, those closest to the Jensen family are keeping tight-lipped about his experiences, whatever they may be.

A call into Ben Arnold at 660AM reiterated that the interview will be taking place, "It's very true, we'll be airing a live interview from the Jensen Residence later this week. We put a call into Mary to let them know we were thrilled Tim had been found and returned and Tim hopped on the phone and scheduled this himself!"

While there are many stories about where Tim Jensen has been the last year, the only person who can truly answer that is staying mum, at least to all outlets except King Falls AM. Stay tuned to 660 on the AM dial to hear, what will surely be, the biggest interview of the year.

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Friday, March 11, 2016

The Weekend Report: Rainbow Lights and Brony Nights

by Phillip Rodriguez

Look up into the sky, King Falls. You really don't have to, but let me tell you what you're gonna see tonight: instead of the beautiful stars, twinkling down on our picture-esque mountain town, you're gonna see those damn rainbow lights again.

We are now pushing into the second week of our visiting flying friends (we hope), shining their technicolor evil all over town. With no end in sight, this reporter wonders when will it all end. The sleepless nights, the funky-hued days, the constant weird buzzing if you get too close to them?

The whispers in the town are growing; why are the lights back, are they accountable for the newly found body at Lake Hatchenaw, are they accountable for the old found body at Lake Hatchenaw during the 55th Annual Bass Tournament, and most important, why are they here and who pissed them off?

With Tim Jensen still weighing heavy on our mind and hearts, haven't we given you lights enough? We live in fear. We've given you a friend. You're really screwing with our internal clocks. Please, pack up your lights and hit the road ... or the skies. The town of King Falls is officially over it.

As you can imagine, with all the stress these UFO's are bringing to town, there's literally only one game in town this weekend for a chance at fun: the makeshift Brony Bounce in Craig Zucker's corn field. We all knew Craig had interesting taste as a kid but apparently he's invited 300 of his closest My Little Pony loving friends to party and watch the skies this weekend.

If you don't know what a Brony is, this reporter surely won't be the one to tell you (it's called Google people, use it) but I definitely will report back on what's sure to be a weekend full of friendship and magic.

Stay safe, King Falls.

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