The King Falls Gazette: January 2016

Friday, January 29, 2016

King Falls Public Library Set to reopen West Wing after "Lincoln's Revenge"

By Duff Dillinger

The dust has finally settled, the shelving has been refurbished and the walls have received a fresh coat of paint; it's almost time to reopen the King Falls Public Library's west wing.

Last November, during the filming of the hit television show Mission: Apparition, the King Falls library received a makeover, albeit one it didn't want or was expecting.

"It was sheer pandemonium." Emily Potter, King Falls librarian stated.

"Everything started off fine, but during the interview with Dan & Larry, Ben was hoisted ten feet up into the air and choked until he was turning blue! Honestly if it hadn't been for ... Abraham Lincoln, this story might not have ended as happily as it did."

Speaking with Mayor Grisham over the phone, he wasn't nearly as pleased with the end result as Ms. Potter.

"I wouldn't call spending close to $30,000 a happy ending at all. I think it's sad that King Falls had to use money, previously allocated elsewhere, to pay for what was basically a radio station publicity stunt gone awry. Just another way those chuckleheads at King Falls AM are ruining our happy little town!"

The King Falls Public Library has been on the receiving end of a long line of bad luck the past year, starting with the disappearance of head librarian Lily Kilpatrick in May, to this past November's Lincoln's Revenge, but Ms. Potter sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

"I'm just so happy to be able to open the west wing again. It's an uphill battle but I really think this will actually help the library's numbers and not hurt. So many kid's ask me about the apparitions of President Lincoln and John Wilkes Booth that I think they'll show up just to investigate themselves! And hopefully read a book or two while they're at it!"

Time will tell whether Lincoln's Revenge and it's new makeover will be helpful or a hindrance but you can judge for yourself this coming Tuesday during the west wing's grand re-opening.

"It'll be a low-key affair." Emily Potter told this reporter with a smile. "While we won't have the pomp and circumstance of one of our King Falls celebrations, we will be forgiving all resident's past due fees up to $15 plus we have a media display of the Mission Apparition episode the Library was featured in, so be sure to stop by!"

We'll definitely be there alongside Emily Potter enjoying the relaxed atmosphere. Hopefully we'll get to see you King Falls residents with young readers as well as delinquent and irresponsible library patrons looking for forgiveness too.

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Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Mayor, Radio Host involved in "Scuffle" at Town Celebration

By Duff Dillinger

Friday afternoon's Best Small Town in America celebration didn't turn out to be quite the walk in the park Mayor Steven Grisham thought it would be.

Seemingly every resident in King Falls made it down to Main Street for the parade and the coronation afterwards in the park. Hosted by King Falls AM late night talk radio hosts Sammy Stevens & Ben Arnold, it was an afternoon destined to bring our mountain town together.

Or was it?

From what The King Falls Gazette gathers, there was a miscommunication between Sammy Stevens, who was set to announce Mayor Grisham to the stage for a speech and the Mayor himself. But that's when things become murky, varying stories from the parties involved don't help to clear up what seemed to be an all-out fight.

Onlookers describe the Mayor taking a swing at the radio DJ and a brawl ensuing, which is corroborated by the fact Steven's broadcast partner, Ben Arnold, commentated the scuffle live on-air.

Meanwhile, Mayor Grisham denies there was a fight at all."There was no scuffle. Apparently Sammy Stevens was trying to warn me of ... something, I don't know, and I saw a bee on his face. I simply tried to swat the bee away from him using everything in my arsenal. Have you ever been stung by a bee? It's terrible. It was probably exacerbated by the fact that I tripped on a loose wooden plank on the Main Street Stage and fell into Stevens with extreme force. Which leads me to an announcement; the King Falls Chamber of Commerce and I have decided to build a completely new stage for next year. It's just another thing to add to the list of the exceptional things I do for such an exceptional city."

When asked about the brawl, that Ben Arnold called play-by play on, Mayor Grisham said: "I can't vouch for anything that happens on that radio station, much less Ben Arnold commentating a 'fight'. There was a bee on Stevens. End of story." said the Mayor via phone interview.

Sammy Stevens has not been reached for comment however we received an email from the owner of King Falls AM, Merv, informing us that Sammy Steven has been suspended, with pay, for the next two weeks worth of broadcasts.

Ben Arnold, co-host of the popular late night talk radio show, stated "I don't know about a bee or however the Mayor's office is trying to spin this. I know he punched my friend in the face while my friend was trying to stand up for this town's interest. That's all I've got to say about it. Stay strong, Sammy. We'll talk to you soon."

As of the writing of this article, while the police did break up the apparent "bee swatting incident" no charges have been filed on either side and business goes on as usual down at City Hall.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

The 7th Annual Best Small Town in America is almost upon us!

By Duff Dillinger

The 7th Annual Best Small Town in America is almost upon us!

The Main Street Park came alive today, with scores of workmen and crews putting up the decorations for this Friday's 7th Annual 'Best Small Town in America' coronation.

The excitement in the air is palpable; huge smiles on the faces of all the passersby while friends and neighbors take to the city streets, talking about the biggest block party of the year.

"After the Holiday's, the excitement used to peter out around the Falls, but with King Falls winning this special prize every year from the Chamber of Commerce, it really doesn't seem to fizzle out at all!" exclaimed life-long resident, Frank Perry.

And Frank is right. For the six years that King Falls has been bestowed the distinction, it doesn't seem to slow down. What once was a lull known as January, has picked up since Mayor Steven Grisham has taken power.

Mayor Grisham was quoted saying "Look, it would be real arrogant of me to say that for every year I've been mayor of our wonderful little town, we've been named the best small town in America. It's true, but it would be arrogant. And it certainly isn't all because of me. This town and it's resident's truly are the best America has to offer. But I am pretty proud to say that I helped us on our way."

Local vocal detractor, AM radio host Sammy Stevens, has even stopped trying to take the air out of the pageantry. "I've been in King Falls the better part of a year now and, don't get me wrong, I have my doubts about the veracity of the claim, but King Falls is a very special place. In my own heart and obviously the hearts of the voters ... located right down on Second Street inside the King Falls Chamber of Commerce."

While records are hard to find on past winners of the Best Small Town in America, this reporter has no doubt that King Falls has outshined any other recipient of this award ever, and will continue to bring home the honor for many more years to come.